¨ChapTer Two¨
Now I gotta say, I've been crying since yesterday, the whole day.
I was at school this morning and almost give up on what my tears were claiming for, but I said: ¨hey, you've got to be happy, today is a very special day for ur very closest friend, it is Daly's birthday! you cannot be like that for her...¨
I was really sorry because I tried really hard to put a smile on my face. I could only look very tired and sleepy. It took me the entire day, almost going back home before I could smile again.
I wanted her to be Happy. I mean, it is her day and she deserves everyday to be like that.
I wanted her to be Happy. I mean, it is her day and she deserves everyday to be like that.
I'm sorry.
When I got home, all I did was to run towards my bedroom and pretended to sleep; I was actually sinking my pain in my tears.
Why I was crying?? For the same reason as always: I miss him...and I hate to be here...
It is really really hurtful for me to know that he spends his days crying...that makes me completely unhappy. And he usually did cry before too. He has always cried but I used to control my emotions because he was just feeling lonely and soon I was going to end it up. So I always kept myself positive. I used to send him little text messages to cheer him up, even when I was the one who didn't feel good, I wanted to show him that it was ok. I couldn't be so weak. I want him to be calmed and patient because I know how much he suffers when he's not. I want to let him know that no matter for how long we wait, we are going to speak, we're going to support each other and we'll find the way to be together...whatever it takes.
I don't want to call the attention of everyone around me of course, so I try to be alone most of the time, because I know what they'd ask:¨what is wrong with you?¨,they usually do, and I always say to myself: ¨No, is just that I can't be with the love of my life, the only reason to be alive, so I feel like my heart is breaking into many little pieces and the pain is not letting me breathe. Ah! and I miss him so much that sometimes I feel like I wanna go to sleep and never wake up again so I don't have to deal with the affliction.¨ But instead of that I say: ¨Nothing, I'm just sleepy¨ and give them a fake smile.
I have no idea whatelse to say.
The misery I feel in my heart is not letting me live...
So these are the reasons of my unstoppable crying... I really really don't want to be crying as there's no tomorrow but I also don't know what to do. Is the only way to calm the desperation down a little.
I miss him :( I miss him so much. It's getting more painful everyday. No matter how many times I think: ¨Oh my God! we're finnally gonna speak!!¨, the moment never comes. It seems like it goes away instead. I'm not even tired, I'm already beyond that. I don't know what to do. I'm dying to know anything ANYTHING about him!
*People don't believe in Fairytales but what they ignore is that some of us live for it. The ilusion keeps the hope alive, and the Hope maintains the heart beating. For some of us, Fairytales is all we've got left to still believe and to still wait. Because I believe in true love, and I believe in pain before happiness. And I believe in fighting for what I want and for who I love. Because of fairytales, I believe in Loyalty and I believe in Heaven...
So for some of us there's not much, but there's enough to remain in silence and wait...even if it takes too long.
In fact, we have nothing else to wait for. What I'm waiting for, I know is my Happiness. I'm waiting for him so my life can actually begin, because to me, what I have now, is not a life.
I'm full of blessings nevertheless, I can't ask for anything more. God has heard my most precious wish.
As a contradiction, I completely hate spending time with my family, but I always give thanks for it because at least I have one. I feel like I don't belong here though. I feel so uncomfortable around them. That's the main reason I get so desperate. I don't see the hour to get out of here...
No matter how wealthy or how many things I have, there's only one thing that really matters to me: Love...to have truly real Love.
I have everything but Love. So I don't have anything at all.
I'm loveless, I'm empty.
And I'm waiting for that to change...I love him.
Love, Dary♥
posted by *{♥}Dary{♥}♪* @ 2:13 PM
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